I Wonder What Kind Of Narcotic You Have To Be On To Produce A Nick Jr. Television Show, And Why I Should Be Nominated As Mother Of The Year, Reason Number Tres

My rugrats love TV.  And I am absolutely 110% not afraid to admit that.  Mother of the Year, vote for me!

I watched a lot of TV when I was younger too and I turned out ok.  Right?  Right?  Fine we'll come back to that.

The TV distracts them from: fighting when I'm not there to referee, jumping on the couch when I'm not paying attention to them, noticing I'm actually doing the dishes or some sort of household chore that I don't want them hanging around my feet like a cat, shut it I do the dishes sometimes and I may even vacuum every day week month when I can see the dust bunnies and dried up Gerber Puffs on the floor.  I can see you all giving me the side eye and it's not a very good look for you.

Anynoggin, have you seen the shows that are geared towards preschoolers?  They are ..... hmmm, eccentric.

Disclaimer - I am in no way, shape, or form saying these shows are bad for my kids and are going to cause them to someday become methed out prostitutes who eat their own hair, that will be all my doing.

Eeeek!

                                      Ugh, blogger hates me and won't left align the text.

                       Still won't.

                       Blogger you're an asshat.

                       Just kidding, I love you.  Time for make up sexy                   time............................................

Yey success!

Alright, that snazzy picture up there that caused blogger and I to have a falling out and make sexy time all in the span of 23 seconds is Yo Gabba Gabba.  Since we started watching the boob tube around here this show has fuh-reaked me out, and it is one of Alexa's favorites.  I tried to find a picture of DJ Lance's 'package' but he had it covered in all the images I looked at, which was like two before I got bored with it and just picked one.  Imagine what a skin tight orange jumpsuit does to a well endowed fella.  Go ahead, imagine it, I'll wait you sickos.  This show regularly has skits of 'a party in my tummy, so yummy, so yummy yummy' which shows some tripped out image of, like, broccoli and chicken nuggets hanging out with a cold beverage in a stomach singing about how neato it is they were just eaten.  What?!  Effed up.

What's gonna work?  Teamwork!

Ahhh, The Wonder Pets.  Love them.  Cutie pututies.  Except I still to this day do not know whether the guinea pig is a girl or a boy.  Can anybody out there in the bloggy universe answer this for me?  Without googling it, bitches.  Now blogger wants to center this text and I'm too tired after the last go 'round to fight so we're gonna roll with it.  Anywinnie, I think the rodents name is Lenny but I've heard its buddies call it a her, so for awhile I was all, oh cool I must have misunderstood and her name must be Winnie because that's a cute play on words for a pig-ish and it's definitely more girly than Lenny.  Nope, I saw somewhere it's Lenny, it's a she, but she sounds like a he and dresses like a hermie.  I'm confused.

There are a million more shows (Max & Ruby, Ruby & Max: I wish that stupid bitch Ruby would just let Max be Max and play for awhile instead of bossing him around all the time, and where are their parents?  Backyardigans: my fave, hands down, they chill in the backyard and go to their imagination happy place all the time, love it.  Dora:  ugh, that awkward silence all. the. time. waiting for Dora to answer her own question and I seriously think Boots, Dora, Backpack, and Map he's the map, he's the map, he's the map, I'm the map! go home after the show wraps and get drunk on tequila and do the nasty.  Diego: whose nickname for the roadrunner he was saving was Roadie, I don't know about you, but where I'm from Roadie doesn't = roadrunner) but this post has become one of my longest and it's about children's shows.  Sorry about that.  If you stuck with me to the end and actually read the whole thing you get a prize, to be determined at a later date.  Probably never.  But thanks, anyway.

Tripped out centered text bloggy love,

Teisha