ACT ONE
12:00 AM
Teisha: *sleeping peacefully for once probably due to the fact that she just went to a girlfriend's house without her children for a jewelry party and was fed booze, junk food, and boatloads of happiness*
12:02 AM
Idiot Hubs: *stumbles into bed after playing slow pitch aka what rednecks play who can't actually play baseball, even though he has strict instructions to sleep on the couch on those nights as to not wake the Princess from her beauty sleep*
12:05 AM
Blind Three Legged Dog That Accidentally Shares The Same Name As The Households First Born: "bark bark bark bark"
12:05:30 AM
Teisha: *Rolls around getting huffy daydreaming of running the dog over*
12:05:31 AM
Hubs: *snore fart snore*
Teisha: "Wake up! The dog won't stop barking, make her stop!"
12:06 AM
Hubs: *rolls out of bed to investigate*
12:06:10 AM
eerie silence
12:07 AM
....
....
12:09 AM
Teisha: *gets freaked out by the silence and starts to imagine scenes from Children of the Corn*
12:09:10 AM
Teisha: *thinks she smells skunk*
12:10 AM
Hubs: *ricochets back and forth down the hall to the bedroom like he's on a cruise except without the ocean, and the boat, and the foreign employees*
"She had cornered a baby skunk"
Teisha: "What!? That's disgusting, I can smell it in the house! What did you do out there?"
Hubs: "I stood there and threw rocks at it until it finally left."
Teisha: "Genius."
INTERMISSION
ACT TWO
Way too early in the AM
Teisha: *wakes from her stinky slumber and still smells the ass gas so she....*
A. burns the house down in a fit of rage with the Hubs and dog in it.
2. goes to her imagination happy place that's filled with rainbows, unicorns, sand, ocean, and cabana boys serving vodka.
9er. books a cruise.
cuatro. wonders why in the hell skunks were created in the first place and starts a debate with herself therefore getting herself distracted at the task at hand of getting mad and throwing shit. Continues debate with genius four year old offspring on the way to the babysitters. Decides skunks serve no purpose in life. Goes to work and writes another craptastic blog post about smelly shit.
Stinky farts and unicorns,
Teisha
As much as I am not envious of your life, it sure does make for a good story :)
ReplyDeleteJust about died of laughter again :)
Still cannot figure out where your sense of humor comes from.
I was seriously chuckling out loud the entire post!! Matt wants to read now....
ReplyDeleteWhere have you been all of my life! I am still shaking in fits of laughter (no, I'm not epileptic). This was terrific and I happen to love the word 'fart' so double bonus!
ReplyDelete