Enough About The Bathroom Redo Already!

Is that what you're thinking?

Well, get over it, this *is* my blog remember?

Now read the fine print.

I really do care what you think I just like to act all 'psht I don't care' that way I don't get the sads and cry into my vodka when somebody unfollows me or sends me a douchetard comment or email.  Speaking of following, us bloggers like to have our egos stroked with stalkers whether we admit it or not and my statcounter says there's more of you than my little google widget thingy says so follow damnit.  Kthx.

The shithouse from hell is finally finished and since I'm now an expert in redoing bathrooms here's a How To Guide On Redoing Your Bathroom While Drunk For Most Of It.  Relax, I'm mostly kidding about being an expert.  *nudge nudge* winky face.

Step One:
*Easter time-ish*
Hubs and I decide to tear down the burn-your-retinas-it's-so-ugly-pink-and-green-wallpaper the weekend before Easter since we I host my dad's side of the fam every year and I'm sure they vomit in their mouth while taking a poo cause they have to look at the wallpaper.  No bueno.  I did minimal research for tearing down wallpaper on a whim with absolutely no supplies besides what you already have.  Somewhere in the internets it says to mix vinegar and water and use that as your wallpaper domination solution.  Hint hint:  it doesn't work.  I actually got farther by just tearing it off dry.  And SURPRISE, there were two layers of torture.  It took three days of tear down, wash glue off walls, prime, paint, blood, sweat, tears and alcohol but the wall was successfully painted.

Panic attack, need vodka stat

Step Two:
Admire the newly tan walls.
Spit on the still pepto bismol pink sink and plastic tile backsplash and 1970's wood cupboards that now stick out like a sore thumb since the walls make me happy in the pants.  Find this blog and get inspired to make it a room worth pooing in.

Apparently I didn't feel the need to clean it for the 'before' picture.  Shut your face.

Step Three:
Remove cupboard doors, drawers and hardware.  Wash them all down and vomit in your mouth at how disgusting they are and decide they haven't been washed since the house was built in 1950something.

Prime and paint and paint and paint and paint and blog about how long it's taking to paint and drink and drink and drink and paint some more.  Six coats to be exact.  My suggestion is to do two coats of primer, I think I could have gotten away with only five coats if I'd have done that.

I also went for it and primed and painted the plastic tile backsplash one night when I was a little loopy and figured 'eh, it couldn't look any worse' and it seems to have worked.

Now the counter.  I used this and love the results.  This next part is very important so pay attention: DON'T. USE. PAINTER'S. TAPE. I used that around the tile and when I tore it off it took some of the finished counter off with it.  After stomping my feet, throwing a tantrum, pouring a drink, and really wishing I had Xanax I repaired it but now I have a retarded (can I say retarded?) corner.

Step Four:

Install new hardware and put everything back in its place.  Pour a martini, lock the door, and enjoy your new hiding place bathroom.

Pretty fuckin' awesome right?

If you tell me this sucks I will kick you out of the cool kids club and point and laugh at you and judge you behind your back.  You don't want my wrath.

PS - I did 85% of the work during the wallpaper process

PPS - I did 100% of the work during the cupboard/counter process

JUST SAYIN'

JOSH

Signed,

If you can't find me I will be in the bathroom

Teisha