This is where we left off.
Longest. 40. minutes. of. my. life.
I think Josh managed to hit every bump and do whatever else that may cause pain to a pregnant lady.
Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.
Josh get the fuck off the phone can't you see I'm in labor here. jackass.
Dear God, please don't let my water break because that would make me vomit all over the dashboard, Kthx.
Oh and dear God, please let me make it to the hospital because although Josh thinks he's an expert at delivery since he's pulled several calves in his life, he's not capable of doing this. And I don't really want to have to buy a new car because there is no way you'd get me to clean the mess of BIRTH off the interior.
Soooo, we make it to the dr.'s office without any mishaps besides me murdering Josh in my head.
They tell me to sit in the waiting room.
OK, no problem, except for the fact that I'm having contractions every minute and I want to rip your face off right now. Sure, I'll sit down.
Sweet, my turn.
Somehow manage to walk calmly back to the room.
Dr. checks me and all the sudden looks like a deer caught in the headlights.
Um, what's up doc.
Well, you're at about a 4.5 to 5 and I didn't want to get in there too far because I feel the water sac and I didn't want to break it.
Awesome, what's that mean?
Go to the hospital. now.
By the time we get to the hospital I think it's around 9:30-ish.
They hook me up to starship command and start asking me the 523 check in questions that you have to answer before you can let that baby escape. One of the questions is do you or have you ever felt threatened by your husband.
...
No, but what about the poor woman who does but can't answer the question because HE'S SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO HER. Idiots. Rethink that.
Anyplacenta, by now I'm holding on to the bed rails because of the pain, dear God the pain. It takes over, starts in the core and worsens little by little until you can hardly take a breath without wanting to scream.
Nice nurse lady asks if I want any pain meds.
Yes. please.
I opted for Nubain which is delivered through an IV and lets your body relax just enough to recoup a little in between contractions. You still have full use of your body and can still feel every painful contraction you just aren't as high strung. The concept of an epidural scared the shit out of me and I wanted to use that as a last resort. Nubain made me feel a little drunk and groggy but I didn't care as long as the pain was manageable.
After they start the Nubain I feel immediate relaxation. Josh will tell you the same thing. He noticed I was calmer right away.
The nurse suggested I get in the tub just to switch things up a bit. This was after I opted out of getting checked because I didn't want to be disappointed if they told me I hadn't progressed any.
I have to say the tub was nice even though I was only in it for a few minutes.
Josh, get in here! I'm pushing!
As I'm making a face that definitely looked like I was taking a shit. I bet I looked purdy.
That part of delivery surprised me. I was prepared for the pain but the sensation of pushing is by far my least favorite part. The pressure in the vaj is awful and the fact that I couldn't control it was freaking me out.
My dear sweet husband brings me a towel to dry off. No wait, he didn't bring me a towel he brought me a washcloth.
What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?
I'm pretty sure he and the nurse just helped me walk to the bed butt ass nekkid dripping wet. Not a proud moment.
I remember it feeling really chaotic because they were getting the bed ready, hooking me back up, and scurrying around. But at the same time, I also felt like I was in my own head just watching from inside of me. Like I wasn't really there. That was probably just the Nubain talking.
I also remember telling Josh to 'stop talking' because he and the dr. were shootin the shit while I was in the worst pain of my entire life. It's not that I wanted him to just pay attention to me, it's just that I couldn't handle any more stimulation. It was all too much.
Time to push.
Do I have to?
Holy shit, why are you lighting my vagina on fire Dr.? Oh, you're not? She's crowning?
AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alexa Nicole was born at 12:54 PM after two contractions of pushing. screaming her guts out. Which btw didn't stop for about 24 hours. She established right away who's boss.
We did not know what we were having and I'll never forget looking at Josh and him telling me 'It's a girl!' with tears in his eyes and so much love on his face. I wish I could have felt what he was feeling because all I wanted was a shower and sleep.
But, when they gave her to me, through the fog of drugs and exhaustion I looked into my first born's eyes and knew my life had changed forever. I didn't know a person could feel that much love. I'm surprised my heart didn't come flying out of my chest and plant kisses all over her tiny smushed face, and crooked nose.
Surprisingly, having her in my arms made all the pain a distant memory. and totally worth every second.
So, there you have it. Thanks for reading and sticking with me to the end.
I love you long time!
Teisha
Whew. You didn't have her in the car. With my oldest I had an epidural but it didn't take. My legs were numb though. Very strange. Also, I may have said to my husband "DON'T! TOUCH! ME!"
ReplyDeleteLMAO. I love how you're going to kill someone in the begining of this post and then there's a light switch and it's all puppy dogs and rainbows in the end of it. :o)
ReplyDeleteI love it and loved every hour of that cry her first day. Can't wait for Avery's story.
Oh my god that cry... it was like a pterodactyl. And then she was a freaking angel the next day. :)
ReplyDeleteWill never forget those days.