Back Off Jesus, Today Is My Birthday

Today marks the day of my last birthday evuh.  Twenty-nine and holding.  Since today is a bittersweet day I decided to try and find the silver lining, as they say, because so far it has sucked gigantic donkey balls.

Donkey balls-Car making rattling noises on the way to work
-1,000,000 points

Silver lining-Parked it in the heated warehouse to hopefully thaw out the rattle since I'm ass-uming it's an iceball (I'm so smart) and the warehouse guy washed it for me.
+15 points

Donkey balls-Late to work today
-1.679 points

Silver lining-Doesn't really matter when I get there
+1,547 points

Donkey balls-Tonight, we are driving to Minnesota to celebrate Josh's family Christmas since my sis-in-law is due Jan. 5th and won't be able to come home.
Donkey balls .5-It's my birthday and I'll cry about that if I want to.
-2,000,000 points

Silver lining-Ummmmmm, swimming at the hotel.
Silver lining .5-Drinking my Skittles vodka on the way <--- just kidding, that's illegal not kidding thus putting myself into a happy place.
+1,999,955

Donkey balls-Didn't expect Josh to get me anything for my birthday.
-497,000

Silver lining-He got me diamond hoop earrings that rock my earlobes off.
+3,000,000 times 11 squared

Silver lining squared-this sequin jacket (in black) was my birthday present to myself and you so I can sparkle fart in your face.

 VS model not included

So, I think the silver lining definitely won this time.

I came to that conclusion with this equation:

Vodka. squared.

Birthday wishes to me,
Teisha