A Glimpse Into My Brain And Why I Should Probably Have My Driver's License Revoked

I have a pretty simple mind.

It's pretty and it's simple.

It's usually filled with such thoughts as:

Hmmm, what should I make for dinner?  Oh fuck it, let's just do mac and cheese again.

I wonder if I called up Andy Cohen and was all, I have super duper idea for you...how about a 'Real Housewives of Iowa' if he would actually go for it.  I know the perfect group of girls.  Me (obvi).  I'd like to think that I'd be the fun, trustworthy, hardworking (but not an overachiever like Vicki) all around awesomeness that everybody wanted to be like and dress like.  And a few other people that I'd pick because you know the producers would be all, um no, I'm not going to IOWA to do a casting call because all they have there is corn and, corn.  I'd totally pick the catty ones because I would want to know what they're saying behind my back.  Bitches.

I love my newly painted kitchen.  Like, vodka love it.  The walls are such a nice shade of butter cream I could lick them, but then people might think I'm a freak.  And that would be bad.

Man, I really need a manicure and pedicure and my hair did.

I wish I could afford a cleaning lady.  Maybe if I cut back on the shopping and liking nice things and being a snob addiction I could but, priorities.

Ugh, tonight is bath night.  Maybe they won't get dirty and we can just skip it again.

Ever since Corey left LA Ink and went to work at American Electric the show just hasn't been the same.

OMG I LOVE THIS SONG I'M GONNA CRANK IT UP AND DANCE AND SING AND LOOK LIKE A TOTAL JACKASS BUT I DON'T CARE BECAUSE I LOVE THIS SONG.

How long has it been since I shaved?  Meh, it's cold and the pants cover it up.

Hopefully the laundry fairy paid a visit to my place today.  Also, vacuum and dust fairy.

See, simple.

As I was thinking deep thoughts about my grocery shopping trip I plan to take tonight I missed my turn to drop the girls off at the babysitters'.

I was rudely awakened from my daydreaming when Alexa was all 'Mooooooommm, you missed the turn.'

What?

How does that happen?

It's like I was driving on autopilot and it kind of freaks me out.

Sounds dangerous.

What if I just started daydreaming and then woke up at Hugh Hefner's starring on The Girls Next Door and I'd be all 'woh, how did I get here and do I stay or do I go?'  Hmmm.

I have no idea how that scenario would play out.

I think I'm too old for him.

OH THAT REMINDS ME, another thought I had the other day that is weighing heavily on my conscious was the fact that I think I'm getting to the point where staying home (and drinking) is more appealing than going out (and drinking).  I KNOW RIGHT, the horror!

How and when did that happen?

It's ok, though, the money I save from drinking my own booze rather than the dive's booze can be spent on more important things like shoes.  And shiny things.

Sparkly airhead thoughts,
Teisha