It *Was* A Hoof, JOSH

I've already told you guys before that I am not much of a cook.

I probably could be, but 1) I'm super lazy and 2) cooking is messy = me cooking *and* cleaning = lasers shooting out of my eyeballs at everybody within 100 feet of me.

Every once in awhile Josh gets fed up with the mac n cheese, chicken nuggets, spaghetti, and leftover rotation and he decides he's going to cook.

He goes into the basement and comes up with:

1) a fucking hoof
     What is that?

     Ham.

     No it isn't.  It's a hoof.

     For christ sake Teisha, it's a not a hoof.

     Sure looks like a hoof.

2) ground pork

and

3) a roast....

at 6:00 at night, when Avery is somewhere between turning into a werewolf and gnawing her own arm off.

Feed me you assholes!

     What am I supposed to do with these?

     Nothing, I'm going to cook them.

     *Side-eye* Mmm hmm - I'm not eating hoof.

Genius decides he's going to throw the hoof in the oven, after Chef Google tells him to do so.  He had to ask Chef Google because I informed him I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK A HOOF JOSH AND EVEN IF I DID I'M GOING TO BE A STUBBORN JACKASS AND NOT HELP YOU.

... = hours passing by

... = mac n cheese for the girls and I

... = bathtime

*Ding*

     Sweet!  The ham is done!  Try it, it's really good.

     Absolutely not, I don't feel like eating hoof and dying today.

He tried convincing me it was a 'joint' or a 'shoulder' or a 'completely edible piece of Porky' but I wasn't buying it.

Just like that one time my family told me the alligator tasted like chicken.

I'll take your word for it, family.

On a related note:

Redneck goulash:

Those ingredients mixed together.

Ta da!

You can thank me later.