Shopping, Farts, And Justin Bieber.

Wouldn't you know it?  This weekend didn't end up with me at the hospital!  1,000,046 points awarded to me and Justin Bieber.  Why Bieber?  Because he finally got rid of that reverse side swept bowl cut that kind of made me want to smack a bitch - like Danielle Staub, or Perez Hilton.

Another 411 points awarded to me for most pop culture references in a single paragraph that have nothing to do with each other or Britney.

This post is already spiraling out of control.

Anyhousewife.

Instead of visiting the ER I opted instead to take Alexa shopping on Saturday.

Avery was stuck checking cows and playing farmer with Josh.

And by saying she was 'stuck' with him I'm insinuating that she doesn't enjoy it.  Quite the opposite, though, because she looooooves checking out the 'ows' that 'moooo' and OMG DAD DAD DAD PUPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!  Best. Day. Ever.

Sis was stuck with me.  Again, by 'stuck' (that word is already losing its meaning) I mean, MOM MOM MOM LOOK AT THE PRETTY DRESSES, CAN I WEAR A DRESS LIKE THAT WHEN I GET OLDER AND MOM MOM MOM STOP RIGHT HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYBODY AND LOOK AT THIS COOKIE CAKE HEART ATTACK WITH DECORATIONS I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY - AND oh mirror, stop and check myself out AND CAN I PLEASE GET SOMETHING?  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?

If you're good you can.  Don't judge me.

So, Sis and I went shopping, ate hot dogs and drank smoothies.  She picked out a tiara (shocking) and I got a few shirts from Express and a dress from Target that I wore out that night.

Sunday we painted our nails and lounged around in our jammies all day.  I love those days.  I think I read approximately 423 pages and finished my book so now I'm moving on to the DVR to catch up on House and Modern Family and a few dozen other shows.

What should I read next?

Monday, aka yesterday, was spent prom dress shopping for my littlest youngest sis.

I can't say littlest because she's like 6' 1" or something ridiculous like that.

And wouldn't you know it? we found THE ONE.  She had two criteria: 1) long enough and 2)not butt ugly.  The one we found is totally gorge, although Alexa seems to think she should have gone with the hot pink number with silver metallic polka dots, an obnoxious bow on the shoulder and a frilly skirt.  Sads for Alexa.

Dear Alexa, please change your taste in prom dresses before you have to go because I will not let you wear something ugly.  And yes, you're free to express yourself, as long as you don't look like an idiot.

Moving on.

Yesterday took a weird turn when the girls got into a farting contest.

Alexa accidentally let one loose when she was attempting a handstand and because I'm a 12 year old boy I laughed.  Hard.  Not to be outdone, Avery gets red in the face and pushes out a huge one.  Seriously, this went on for a good 4 or 5 farts each and I was completely baffled and out of breath from laughing so hard.

I might have even peed a little.

If I wouldn't have pushed each of them out of my vagina I would wonder if I'm actually their mother because farting in front of Josh is not an option.

Ever.

Do you fart in front of your significant other?

And I think I'll close with that.

To recap, there were two questions posed:

1) I need book recommendations

and

2) Farting in front of your mate.  OK or completely embarassing?