You guys, did you know that MS Paint is like, the best thing ever invented in the history of all the innernet and your face? Of course you did! And you assholes didn't even have the decency to fill me in on this hidden little secret that's not so secret it just requires somebody who isn't a dumbass to realize it's there waiting to be used.
Soooo, in honor of me coming across this hidden gem the other dizzle at work I drew you some pictures and wrote you a story.
I can seriously feel your excitement and anticipation radiating through the computer screen.
That's not excitement? It's diarrhea? Bummer for you.
Okey dokey.
In the beginning when I was a wee little 28 year old I signed up for The Twitter because it's what all the cool kids and celebrities and Kim K. were doing.
Aaaaand, I decided I'm not a real big fan. I couldn't really even tell you why besides there's just so much being said on The Twitter if you divert your eyes for even half a second you're lost and like, that was soooo five minutes ago #WINNING.
Jump to weeks later I start this here thing called a blog
that I've been neglecting
and I'm all 'I'm a social media queen, this blog needs a twitter page!'
Aaaaand, I'm still not a huge fan besides in a creepy stalker kind of way.
But, remember the old twitter page that I started when I was a wee little lad?
Yeh, it got jealy of the new page and started sending my followers (ummm, all 18 of them, four of whom I know IRL) spam. *gasp*
Exhibit A
Melissa replies to my spammer direct message with a 'Wtf! Is this a joke?!'
And at first I'm all dazed and confused
Exhibit B
because unbeknownst to me I had sent her a direct message with a link attached to it trying to convince her the job of her dreams was just a click away.
I can be such an asshole.
So, I finally get to the root of the matter and figure out it's the old twitter account that's fucking with my friends so first I change my password but then just decide to deactivate it even though Twitter begs me not to go.
A couple hours later I get a BBM from another friend.
Exhibit C
This time around I was less confused and more 'nope, I kicked those twitter hackers in the taco'
Then she points and laughs at me and says 'you need to update your totally awesome completely fabulous blog' (I may have paraphrased that part a little)
And, lucky for her, my twat got hacked and I found my new BFF MS Paint so I finally had something to write about.
I was beginning to wonder if you had quit your job to help on the farm :P
ReplyDeleteNOT a twitter fan either. I don't get it, I really don't.
ReplyDeleteGreat drawing, btw. The details on the wheels of the chair really do it for me :)
'HOT preggo friend" hahaha. Me no feel so "HOT". It makes me feel better that someone does. After last weekend and all this week, it's apparent that my boobs no longer want to stay within my tops so get ready to see them, all.of.the.time.
ReplyDeleteTell me your workout plan. Your arms and legs are AMAZINGLY skinny!!!
ReplyDeleteI went on the Twitters once upon a time too. Only, my main mission was to get Blake Lewis (henceforth known as @blakelewis) to give me a shout out. Actually, it was my friend and cohort @wendiwinn who was out for the shout out. And I got one. It'll be worth like $5 one day, I just know it.
ReplyDeleteSo then a year passes and we're all, dude, we should get @blakelewis to give me another shout out and so we harass him with precisely 40 million tweets with different variations of "Dude you should totally give @kearsie a shout out". And he did. Only it was a bit lackluster. So that one's only worth like, $3.
And that's when I decided Twitter had done all it was going to do for my career.
The end.