I can't seem to put any of my thoughts into a nice and neatly packaged with a cherry on top blog post for you so instead you get brain vomit.
You're welcome.
Last night I had a dream I was pregnant and was PISSED that I was pregnant, because seriously you guys that ship has sailed, so anyways, I left Josh and became gay. I woke up still mad I was pregnant but totally kosher with my newfound sexuality. Quick...somebody google that and tell me what my subconscious is trying to tell me. I'm too tired and lazy to do it right now.
If Google says it's because I actually want to be pregnant and gay, please punch Google in the uterus. It's wrong on at least 75% of that analysis.
Also, Mom and Dad I apologize for my bluntnessosity. Aren't you proud?
Wanna know why I'm 137% sure I'm done having children?
1) I'm super selfish and loving the newfound freedom of having olderish kids.
2) That's pretty much it.
OH, and the fact that my girls are little, um, how do I put this nicely, shitheads.
Alexa has taken to sneaking things out IN HER SHOE when I tell her she can't bring something to the babysitter's.
Example numero uno - a couple weeks ago she hoarded her little diamond ring my mom got for her that's only to be worn on special occasions and when I can compulsively check it's still on her finger out in her shoe and then wore it all day at the babysitter's. Yeh, that ring has been banned from her finger for awhile.
Example number dos - this morning she slipped on her boots in the frigid 70 degree air and when I told her to change them a little heart shaped sparkle eye makeup packet came out along with her foot and dignity.
I almost applauded her for her effort.
I then considered telling her that if she ever tries to sneak pot out in her shoe when she gets older I'll cut her feet off.
Dear DHS: I'm only half kidding.
And Avery is....still Avery.
Her new favorite thing to do is pick her nose and eat it. I guess the silver lining to that is, at least she isn't painting her wall with them.
OK, that's enough mental vomit for now.
Send vodka and Xanax please.
I wish I had thought of hoarding things in my shoes. I never hoarded things until I could either hide them in my backpack or my bra. So, look out for that in the future.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Avery needs more salt in her diet?
Thank God. I thought mine was the only humongo pain in the ass.
ReplyDeleteSo proud!!! ;o) And 8675309 points on the word "bluntnessosity."
ReplyDeleteMost excellent post! Brain vomit = funny
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletehahaha - love it Alexa! You're too smart for your own good.
ReplyDeleteSneaking pot out in the shoe? You might drive Josh to that if you tell him you are thinking of leaving and going gay.
ReplyDelete8675309! He he!
My son went through a booger eating phase. My husband said the same thing. At least he's not putting them on the beige walls... Ugh, I guess so!
ReplyDelete