My New Purchase That I Almost Died, Um, Purchasing

Ring ring

Hello?

Hi, what's going on?

Not much, just feeding the girls some supper.

*glances at clock notices it's 7:15 which is waaaaay past supper time, resists the urge to say something about it* Oh yeh, what's for supper.

Chicken nuggets.

Of course.

....

Well, what if I told you I am lost over by PV schools?

What are you doing way over there?

Buying some chairs I found on Craigslist.

I see.

I can hear the side-eye through the phone, Josh.

Well, where are you?

I don't know, I'm lost.  I headed north on Middle Road and just hoped for the best.

Why didn't you turn on 53rd?

Because I thought I was smarter than my GPS and I was distracted because I was thinking about the 3000000001 calorie fried chicken bacon cheese honey mustard orgasm of a sandwich I just ate that's making me feel really fat.  I can seriously feel my thighs expanding as we speak.

So, you must be way over by LeClaire or something do you see a McDonald's at the top of a hill?

No, Josh.

....

Oh, here's I-80 I know where I'm at.

OK

OH SHIT I'M GOING EAST AND I WANT TO BE GOING WEST AND MY CAR IS BEEPING CAUSE I'M ALMOST OUT OF GAS OR IT'S GOING TO EXPLODE IN FIVE SECONDS WHAT DO I DO WHATDOIDOWHATDOIDOCOMESAVEMEEEEEEEEE!

Just take the next exit and turn around.

Oh, right.

I did eventually make it home safely, in case you care.

Wanna see what I bought at a super shady house with super shady people (I am not being judgey they were fucking weird) eating super shady supper.  I think it was the brains of puppies they sacrificed out back.

But Teisha - those are fucking ugly.

Yep, and the super shady serial killer duct taped the fabric on when she reupholstered because she was too busy, like, skinning goats or something.

BUT, I see loads of potential and I will definitely share the finished results with you.

I can feel your excitement through the innernet.