Our typical summer night is either spent sitting outside grilling some steaks while the kids fight over the slide and who's turn it is to drive the Princess Jeep OR we hop in the truck, grab a drink for everybody, and gravel travel.
That's my favorite thing to do. The kids are tied up, I mean constrained in their safety harnesses, and they enjoy looking at all the, um, grass and corn and Josh and I actually get to have a grown up conversation with grown up drinks. Wait, that's illegal, we get to have a grown up conversation while sipping homemade lemonade.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Oh shit, I don't know what's funnier, the fact that I just implied I've ever made homemade lemonade or the fact that the lemonade wasn't spiked with vodka.
Moving on.
A big part of what makes me, me, is my tendency to royally fuck with people. My kids are not immune to this.
Alexa: Where are we going?
Me: For a ride.
Alexa: Why?
Me: Because I want to look for unicorns.
Alexa: Huh?
Me: I want to see if we can find a unicorn.
Alexa: Unicorns are far, far away. Like in a different town, in a house called Wheatland.
Me: OK, let's go.
*Arrive at our pasture that's sadly filled with cows, not unicorns*
Alexa: Why are the cows running?
Me: They are running away from the unicorn. They must be scared of them.
Alexa: Why?
Me: I don't know.
Alexa: Why does that cow have a ring in its nose?
Me: It's the bull and bull's like nose rings.
Alexa: Why is that bull smelling the other cow?
Me: Shit Josh, are we gonna have a front row seat to some cow humping?
Josh: ::huge grin:: wanna see a "thing" that's like *this* long?
Avery: mooooooo mooooooooo
Me: No, I don't want to see that and besides I am not prepared for a sex talk with a certain insanely inquisitive four year old.
Alexa: Where's the unicorn?
Me: What are you talking about?
Alexa: You said the cows were running away from the unicorn.
Me: Ohhh, it must have hopped on the nearest rainbow and headed home.
Alexa: Where's the rainbow?
Me: Right there, don't you see it?
Alexa: Where? I don't see it!
Me: Oh, bummer, you must've missed it.
This goes on for approximately 39 more minutes until:
Alexa: Mawwmmm? I have to go potty! NOW!
Me: Look, a unicorn!
LoL you crack me up :)
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU. (but shit, I'm at home, not at work ... please post some more for me to read tomorrow)
ReplyDeleteI must say I like Avery's imput on the conversation the best :)
ReplyDeleteSo, are you saying that cows are scared of unicorns? Because I heard they're actually great friends.
ReplyDelete