Something has been freaking me out for awhile.
The problem is I can't quite pinpoint what it is that's making me get the nervous twitches. I feel a change in the air, or something equally as gag inducing.
Change terrifies me but without change I'd still have an eyebrow piercing living alone in a one bedroom apartment with no self esteem and loads of macaroni and cheese.
I wouldn't have the relationships I do now and I know in my heart the people I'm currently surrounded by are the people I want in my life for a very long time.
But yet, something is off.
I had a weird moment the other night while I was hanging out with a White Russian and watching some really fucked up show called I'm Pregnant And.....Homeless. I proceeded to punch myself in the face because here I am kinda outta sorts while this family, who, by the way had been working and living in a house but the dudes employer went bankrupt which left them broke and out of options. They were "normal" folks who just hit some wicked bad luck.
I'm not one to complain or even voice the fact that I'm sorta sad or something because I know there are people who are worse off than I am so instead I eat my feelings which is incredibly counterproductive because being 20 pounds heavier than two years ago makes me stabby.
BUT
I am entitled to those feelings, right?
So here I am talking to the interwebs because it's cheaper than therapy and wondering what the next, I don't know, chapter? step? phase? of my life will be.
I think you need another baby. I think your nervous feeling is that you don't have one in your house and you don't know what to do with yourself now.
ReplyDeleteJ/K...I know that nervous feeling too where you can't really figure out why you're in a funk. I told you I had it for almost a year after Grady was born. Yes, you're entitled to those feelings. Are you exercising still?
I'm not a therapist but I took a class and he taught us that if you just talk to someone usually you can work out your own issues. Like just get a good listener (me) and talk for 10 minutes straight. The listener can't say anything until after the 10 min is up and then they can ask questions (if you're done). You might dig up stuff you didnt even know was in your brain and usually come up with your own cause and solution. We actually had to practice this - it was at work so it was about a current work situation that is bothering you. It was really hard and awkward to talk that long (especially for someone like me who is more of a listener) but by the end I had basically talked to myself and solved my own problem and it had felt so good to get it out of my system.
Anyways - I totally just hijacked your comments section.