Thoughts Vs. Words

Are you excited for preschool?
SOB SOB SOB I can't believe my first born is old enough to be going to school every day for half a day and then before you know it you'll be sneaking around probably chillin' on a dirt road with smoke rollin' out the window and oh! my! god! SOB

Remember you have to listen to the teacher and mind your manners.
Or there will be hell to pay if I hear you were acting a fool and, like, spitting wads of paper through straws or whatever the juvenile deliquents do nowadays.

Are you excited for the bus ride?
Kill me now, I can't even wrap the garbage floating around in my brain that you are going to have to find a seat by yourself and be a big kid and possibly get in a fist fight and kill. me. now.

HI SISSY!  How was your first day of school?
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooob

That's awesome, you learned a lot!  And made new friends?
I hope you were nice, and didn't pull the bully crap you sometimes pull on your sister.  And they better have been nice to you or I will hunt their parents down and spit lightning in their face after I've had a glass or two of liquid courage because otherwise, I'm a giant pansy.

And the bus ride was good?
::nervous twitches::

Wow, you sat in the back?!
HOLY SHIT CHILD YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME HYPERVENTILATE....AGAIN....isn't the back where the asshole drug dealing face punching finger pointing while laughing hoodlums sit?  Oh my god ohmygodohmygodohmygod

You're such a big girl!  I'm so proud of you!